My Journey to Forgiveness pt. 4

I sat and thought of the many ways I could hurt him. I sat and thought of the many ways I could hurt my best friend. I could slice the tires on their cars. I could key their cars. I could call their parents and let them in on their "little" secret. I could run them over with my car. Oh how sweet revenge would be! I wanted them to suffer as much as I have suffered. I wanted them to hurt like they hurt me. I wanted them to be in pain like I was in pain.

I WANTED THEM TO DIE!!!!

I was dying inside. I no longer had the desire to live. For days I sat in the apartment. I did not eat anything. I did not answer the phone. I did not do anything but sit, rock back and forth and cry. I was in such a depression that I do not believe anyone could pull me out of. I did not think about the life growing inside of me. I simply wanted to die. Finally after three days, my mother sent my dad to see if I was all right. I didn't answer the door at first. He knocked about five times before I let him in. He looked out me, held out his arms and I just collapsed in his loving embrace. He did not ask me any questions. He simply said, "Come home". I was in such a daze, I did not remember walking out the door and getting in the car with him. When I walked through the door, my mom was there. She just started crying. She held me in her arms and the whole story poured out of my mouth. She looked at me and said these words, "Valerie Lynn, you have to remember you are carrying a gift from God. You have to think about that and put everything else aside. You have to think about the health and well-being of your baby". I knew she was right. I knew I had to think about my child. A child which was still growing inside of me. A child which depended on me for survival. But, all I could think about was,

REVENGE! REVENGE! REVENGE!

The only words I said to my mom were "I hate them, mommy! I hate them"! She simply held me in her arms and rocked me like she use to do when I was little. Oh! how I wanted to be that little girl now! Not a care in the world. Not a problem to worry about.

But, I was not that little girl anymore. I was a woman betrayed. I was a woman scorned. I was a woman who wanted REVENGE!!!!!!!!

I went upstairs to my room. It was exactly the way I had left it when I moved out. The posters on the wall. The teddy bears on the bed. My collection of porcelain bears still in the same place. Nothing had been touched. I feel on my bed and drifted off to sleep. I felt like I had slept for days. I woke up and sitting beside me was a woman I had never seen before. She was beautiful. She was dressed in white. The white was so bright that I could hardly look at her. Her face glowed. Her face was full of love and peace. I felt safe with her. I said, "who are you"? She looked at me and said, "I have a message for you". The message would change my life forever.........................